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Posted on January 18th, 2012 by Pat Stanford
I recently ran into an old friend who wanted to tell me all about her latest diet. She was very sure that she would be able to take off sixty pounds in three months by just eating a lot less and exercising a lot more. I have known this woman for many years and if I remember correctly, she has said something similar to me every January. This encounter made me think about my own struggle to maintain weight loss.
My friend, like many of us, wants to believe that there is a quick fix to losing weight permanently. I get it. For years, I fantasized about the one fad diet, the tea, or the pill that would be the answer for me.
There are plenty of ways to lose weight. Eating less and exercising do work- at least temporarily. But what about the process of keeping the weight off? Too often people bounce around from one diet to another as their weight keeps creeping up in their quest for that perfect solution.
Losing weight and then gaining weight again can become a ritualistic, compulsive cycle. Charlie Whitfield, an addictions specialist, coined this phenomenon the “repetition cycle.” Anxiety and depression mount, followed by the urge to eat, leading to self-indulgence, and ending with symptoms of guilt. Then the ugly cycle of self-abuse repeats. And so it is, that those who follow this addictive quest to lose weight may actually end up sabotaging their own goals and gaining weight.
Without exploring the issues that are contributing to our weight problems, most people are doomed to repeat this pattern of self-defeating behavior- going on one diet after another.
The truth is, real change only occurs when we can learn to respect and value who we are with our imperfections and our past programming.
Unhealthy eaters are typically overwhelmed by self-blame. They will label themselves as “fat” (whether they are or not) and will chastise themselves for being out of control. This negative self-talk is certainly not an effective way of motivating yourself to change. In fact, this kind of browbeating only intensifies the cycle of unhealthy eating patterns.
Because of its great value in dealing with an individual’s rational and irrational thinking, distortions, and beliefs, guided meditation is one of the most effective therapeutic treatments for those wanting to break this cycle. This process assists people in responding with positive, empowering self-affirmations to their distorted thinking about eating and body perception. Whatever our past programming happens to be, it can be changed and healthy eating patterns, fitness and even permanent weight loss ultimately can be the result.
Posted on December 6th, 2011 by Pat Stanford
Part II
3. Cultivate optimism
Lots of people get depressed during the holiday season. That’s why it’s so important to work at developing the habit of seeing the positive side of things. If you’re not optimistic by nature, it may take time for you to change this pessimistic thinking. Start by recognizing negative thoughts as they crop up through the day.
Then take a step back and ask yourself these key questions:
- Is the situation really as bad as I think? Is it really so terrible to go to the movies on New Year’s Eve if you haven’t been invited to a party this year?
- Is there another way to look at the situation? If finances are tight, maybe it’s time to start getting creative instead of heading off to the nearest mall. This might be the year to learn to bake bread or to write a heartfelt letter.
- What lesson can I learn from this experience? I remember complaining to my Grandmother about owning four outdated folding chairs that did not match my décor. My Grandmother wisely reminded me of holiday gatherings from her youth when people ate at their dining room and kitchen tables in shifts. They didn’t even own folding chairs. They wanted their loved ones to gather and somehow that was all that mattered.
4. Find your purpose
People who strive to meet a goal or fulfill a mission — whether it’s helping those in need, caring for family or finding one’s spirituality — are happier than those who don’t have such aspirations Don’t get so caught up in the trappings of the season, that you don’t have time for the things that excite and energize you.
It isn’t necessary to shop on Black Friday, to max out credit cards and to go to every holiday party that you’re invited to. You may enjoy a trip to the Botanical Gardens or meeting a friend for tea. As Emerson put it, “Do that which is assigned to you.”
5. Live in the moment
Don’t postpone joy waiting for a day when your life is less busy or less stressful. That day may never come. Instead, look for opportunities to savor the small pleasures of everyday life. Focus on the positives in the present moment. Don’t spend your time rehashing the past or worrying about the future.
That’s where meditation comes in. Meditation is the best tool that I have found for following the path of happiness. It helps me examine who I am and what my purpose is. And, it helps me to cultivate appreciation for every season of life and to appreciate the fullness of each moment.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
Posted on November 22nd, 2011 by Pat Stanford
Do you know how to enjoy the holiday season? Despite what the movies may depict, happiness doesn’t appear agically because it’s “the most wonderful time of the year”. Oddly enough, the opposite is true. Happiness and enjoyment is something that we can learn to cultivate- especially during this season.
What does science tells us?
Only 10 percent or so of the variation in people’s reports of happiness can be explained by differences in their circumstances. The bulk of what determines happiness is your personality and — more modifiable — your thoughts and behaviors. So, yes, you can learn how to be happy — or at least happier.
People who are happy seem to intuitively know this, and their lives are built on the following pillars:
Devoting time to family and friends
Appreciating what they have
Maintaining an optimistic outlook
Feeling a sense of purpose
Living in the moment (One of our biggest goals in teaching guided mindfulness meditation)
How to be happy: Practice, practice, practice
The good news is that your choices, thoughts and actions can influence your level of happiness. It’s not as easy as flipping a switch, but you can turn up your happiness level. Here’s how to get started using some mind control techniques.
1. Invest in positive relationships
Surround yourself as much as possible with upbeat people. Being around people who are content buoys your own mood. And by being happy yourself, you give something back to those around you.
Your family members might be negative and opinionated, so maybe it’s time to schedule time with friends who are not. Let people know that you appreciate having them in your life.
2. Express gratitude more often than one day a year
Gratitude is more than saying thank you. It’s a sense of wonder, appreciation and, yes, thankfulness for life. It’s easy to go through life without recognizing your good fortune. Often, it takes a serious illness or other tragic event to jolt people into appreciating the good things in their lives. Don’t wait for something like that to happen to you.
Make a commitment to practice gratitude. Each day identify three or four things that enrich your life. When you find yourself thinking an ungrateful thought, try substituting a grateful one. For example, replace “My sister didn’t call me” with “My sister has always been there for me. I can call her.” Let gratitude be the last thought before you go off to sleep at night and let it be your first thought in the morning.
Posted on September 29th, 2011 by Pat Stanford
These are really stressful times. Whether you’re concerned about changing unhealthy habits, concerned about a work situation, suffering from stress overload or just plain worried about the future, you might be weighing various options. There are three important fundamentals to consider as you do.
In order to change, we need to:
1. Acknowledge where we are (recognizing our current situation, habits or unproductive thinking).
2. We need to acknowledge that these things are just patterns, which can be changed, and not character traits fixed in stone.
3. We need practice what we would rather be doing instead. With meditation, we practice being present and experiencing a peaceful and empowered state of mind.
As Thomas Sterner writes in his book The Practicing Mind: “With deliberate and repeated effort progress is inevitable.”
So, how can practicing guided mindfulness meditation shift your perspective on what you are doing?
One of the reasons that I have moved away from hypnotherapy is that as a hypnosis practitioner, I was trained to focus on results and rewards that are “out there” somewhere in the future. The focus is that when clients get “there” or “achieve that,” then they’ll be happy. Unfortunately, this just is not true.
After twenty years of practicing hypnotherapy, I’ve learned that if and when we get “there,” we simply project some other idea out in front of us and chase after that. Following this pattern, happiness becomes very elusive.
Obsessive focus on future results also takes us out of present enjoyment and impedes the progress of actually getting what we desire because we hold onto an ideal of what “should” be happening. We get frustrated and stressed because we hold onto ideas of how fast and exactly how we should be progressing. Internal dialogue on the order of, “I should have lost ten pounds by now” is a recipe for self-doubt and poor results.
Instead, a mindset that will reduces stress and frustration while actually improving your state of mind is essential for real progress to be made. This is what we teach with Guided Mindfulness Meditation.
What is the result of this kind of meditation practice?
Meditating helps by slowing things down in your mind (stopping the mental chatter that is often disempowering). The result is that practitioners begin to trust themselves again and move into a place of empowerment.
This does not mean that we forget about results. Results are in the background and they are invisibly guiding the process. However, the focus really changes. Our clients are able to focus on the quality of what they are actually doing in the present instead of on some idea of how it should be going. This instantly relieves stress and frustration while keeping them in that positive, empowered state of mind.
Working with guided mindfulness meditation, we can calmly step back and observe if what we are doing is moving us in the right direction. We can learn to easily make adjustments if they’re needed. We can learn to observe what works and what doesn’t, for us individually. We learn how to do this, as objectively as possible, without self-criticism. We can learn how to adjust our present actions easily and to move past old habits and negative thinking patterns in a comfortable, relaxing way and make great strides.
Posted on September 14th, 2011 by Pat Stanford
What does mindfulness meditation have to do with health? There is now a good deal of scientific evidence that the positive thoughts and emotions that result from meditating can help make life longer and healthier. It’s important to remember that in order to produce these health benefits and the positive thought patterns that result from meditation, the practice needs to be experienced over the long term.
In other words, thinking positively and feeling optimistic for a week long vacation when you already have heart disease will certainly not cure the disease. We do know that lowering stress levels over a period of years coupled with a positive outlook (two of the benefits of meditation) can most definitely reduce the risk of health problems.
Just How Does Meditation Make Us Healthier?
Going beyond relaxation and stress management, the obvious benefits of meditation, there are two other significant benefits of mindfulness meditation that have an impact on our health:
Engaging Fully: For decades, researchers have explored people’s satisfaction in their everyday activities. What they found was that people reported the greatest satisfaction when they were totally immersed in and concentrating on what they are doing. They dubbed this state of intense absorption “flow.”
Interestingly enough, when people describe the experience of meditating, they describe a state that sounds very similar to what athletes call “the zone”. The scattered, easily distracted mind gets to experience a blissful state of focus.
With meditation, moving into this memorable state does not need to be haphazard. Steps can be learned to achieve this state and to replicate it.
Doing Good: Meditators often describe a deeper sense of connection with others. Many of us serve others in our families and in our communities. Even though volunteering our time is admirable, we may, at the same time, find ourselves resenting those that we serve or the demands of our service.
Because of a deeper sense of connection with others, meditators overwhelmingly report being able to serve without resentment. When this is the case, serving others becomes fulfilling rather than just another chore.
Researchers have found that both of these pathways individually contributed significantly to life satisfaction and impacted positively on creating physically healthier and happier individuals. If you’re ready to become happier and healthier by incorporating mindfulness meditation into your life, the Stanford Method offers individual coaching sessions in our Oyster Bay, Long Island office, coaching sessions via Skype and “Guided Meditation in the Workplace” Seminars.
Posted on September 7th, 2011 by Pat Stanford
Do You Think That You Can Stop Smoking?
I have met countless individuals who have a whole list of reasons why they can’t stop smoking. They think that they’re “too addicted”. They tell me that they smoke too much. They’re worried about withdrawal. They don’t believe that any kind of smoking cessation therapy could work for them.
What these individuals are actually doing is filling their minds with negativity and setting up obstacles to their own success. I teach people to be very careful about what they think about in these circumstances. If we think we can’t, we can’t; if we think failure, we fail.
“For as we think, so will we do.
Guard well the portals of the mind;
Let no discouragement seep through,
Let doubt no lodgment find.”
“More than’s been done can still be done,
Think this, and thinking then believe;
So may the greatest goal be won
Go on, think right, work hard, achieve.”
The ideas that James Allen shared in his book, “As A Man Thinketh” are so true. Allen believed that people with determination and a vision of what they want to accomplish cannot be stopped. Understanding this principle is really critical to the success of anyone trying to break a habit.
Once You Believe It’s Possible, Then What?
In fact, to learn to effectively use our mind to our advantage is probably the single most important element of success in smoking cessation. To envision the benefits of quitting smoking and to focus our attention on the long-term rewards, we can dramatically increase the motivation to quit. When thoughts about the difficulties of quitting are lessened, our enthusiasm increases dramatically.
Whether it’s working with smokers or people with other kinds of addictions, it’s always rewarding for me to see clients mentally enlarge the importance of the things that are good for them. The Stanford Method of smoking cessation therapy incorporates this principle along with guided meditation to make success very achievable. (Go on, think right, work hard, meditate and achieve.)
Posted on August 18th, 2011 by Pat Stanford
There are many things in life that we simply can’t control, but stress is something that we can all learn to manage better. In our stress management seminar, there are five simple tools that we teach that can make a dramatic difference in your life:
Avoid Hassles- It may seem logical but sometimes, in order to reduce anxiety, we need to be reminded to think outside the box. If a daily commute is making you overly anxious, maybe car-pooling or taking public transportation might be a better option.
Sleep- Questions about sleep patterns are some of the most important questions that we ask clients who are experiencing extreme anxiety. Many well-meaning individuals fall into the trap of thinking that they can get more accomplished by sleeping less.
Of course, that’s not true. We need to recognize that sleeping isn’t optional, and we can’t reduce stress by skimping on it.
Breathe- Even in an office, deep breathing is the easiest relaxation technique to incorporate into our day. We can do this at our desk or standing near a window.
Just place you hands on your stomach. Inhale, expanding your stomach. Then exhale slowly. Repeat this about 8-10 times.
Stretch- Become aware of where your muscles tense during the day. Learn to do simple stretches of the areas that hold most of their tension- your back, neck or maybe your upper body.
If you haven’t learned to stretch before, consider taking a yoga class. You will learn to stretch every part of your body!
Clearing The Mind- It’s very important to have a relaxation technique to relax your mind deeply so that you will be able to really unwind and feel centered. (When we’re in stress overload even seemingly relaxing activities, like vacationing, might not work).
In all of our wellness seminars, we teach our own patented method of guided mindfulness meditation. The Stanford Method of meditation is designed to be easy to learn and easy to practice and the feedback from our clients has been extremely positive. As Thich Nhat Hanh has said about meditation practice, “When we sit down peacefully, breathing and smiling with awareness, we develop sovereignty over ourselves”.
Click here to read more about our philosophy and our Stress Management Seminars and our private coaching sessions for Stress Management and Guided Mindfulness Meditation.
Posted on June 8th, 2011 by Pat Stanford
If you are curious about how much stress you are really under, take this test. We give it to the participants of our Stress Management Seminars. The results may really surprise you.
How Much Stress Are You Under?
For every “Yes” that applies, give yourself the points as listed. Upon completion, total the score below.Life Events That Have Occured In The Last 12 Months
|
Answer |
Points |
| Death of spouse |
YES or NO |
100 |
| Divorce |
YES or NO |
73 |
| Marital separation |
YES or NO |
65 |
| Jail term |
YES or NO |
63 |
| Death of close family member |
YES or NO |
63 |
| Personal injury or illness |
YES or NO |
53 |
| Marriage |
YES or NO |
50 |
| Fired from work |
YES or NO |
47 |
| Marital reconciliation |
YES or NO |
45 |
| Retirement |
YES or NO |
45 |
| Change in family members health |
YES or NO |
44 |
| Pregnancy |
YES or NO |
40 |
| Sex difficulties |
YES or NO |
39 |
| Addition to family |
YES or NO |
39 |
| Business readjustment |
YES or NO |
39 |
| Change in financial status |
YES or NO |
38 |
| Death of close friend |
YES or NO |
37 |
| Change in line of work |
YES or NO |
36 |
| Change in # of marital arguments |
YES or NO |
35 |
| Mortgage or loan over $10,000 |
YES or NO |
31 |
| Foreclosure of mortgage or loan |
YES or NO |
30 |
| Change in work responsibilities |
YES or NO |
29 |
| Son or daughter leaving home |
YES or NO |
29 |
| Trouble with in‐laws |
YES or NO |
29 |
| Outstanding personal achievement |
YES or NO |
28 |
| Spouse begins or stops work |
YES or NO |
26 |
| Starting or finishing school |
YES or NO |
26 |
| Change in living conditions |
YES or NO |
25 |
| Revision of personal habits |
YES or NO |
24 |
| Trouble with boss |
YES or NO |
23 |
| Change in work hours, conditions |
YES or NO |
20 |
| Change in residence |
YES or NO |
20 |
| Change in schools |
YES or NO |
20 |
| Change in recreational habits |
YES or NO |
19 |
| Mortgage or loan under $10,000 |
YES or NO |
18 |
| Change in sleeping habits |
YES or NO |
16 |
| Change in eating habits |
YES or NO |
15 |
| Vacation |
YES or NO |
13 |
After you have calculated your score, send us an email and we’ll give you and idea of what the numbers mean: customerservice@stanfordmethod.com.
If you would like more information about our Stress Management Seminars or our private coaching sessions for stress management, please call the Stanford Method at 516.827-0200.
Posted on May 25th, 2011 by Pat Stanford
A Wonderful Tale About Meditation
I recently heard a powerful teaching tale about developing a relaxed nature. Throughout history the allegory, the novel and the teaching tale have been used very effectively to teach truths and to make these truths clearly recognizable.
This myth is about a woman and her dog. Isabella, as she was called, was a very creative woman. She wasn’t one to waste her time or her talents so she took it upon herself to weave a wonderful new world into existence.
She and her canine companion lived a very simple life. For sustenance, she cooked the same kind of stew each day on a fire outside of the cave. Things went along very nicely until she left her weaving to stir the stew pot. At that point, every day without fail, the dog would unravel a large part of what Isabella had woven. She would then return to the cave and feel very disheartened.
After a few minutes, she would remember to meditate on the situation and after her meditation practice she would begin to weave again. Every time this happened and every time she rewove a segment, it became a much more beautiful piece of work. Isabella would end her day feeling very contented.
What a wonderful story for our time! Life these days is not easy- far from it. Just when things seem to be going well, there may suddenly be setbacks and disappointments. Progress, happiness and contentment might seem to be very elusive.
We can learn alot from this lovely little tale. We, too, must learn to stop when we are discouraged and regroup. Moreover, we need to make sure that we are practicing techniques every day that will bring us to a place of peace and quiet. (That’s why meditating daily is essential.)
Then, when we are feeling centered and resourceful again, we go on to make our lives richer. Like Isabella, we will then be able to develop a much more relaxed nature and finally find contentment.
Posted on April 12th, 2011 by Pat Stanford
“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.”
-William James
Habit Control:
Most of the people who contact the Stanford Method have concerns about habit control. They’re feeling helpless recognizing that they’ve developed some terrible habits and don’t seem able to do anything about them.
Without question, we recognize that people who feel content and empowered consistently make better decisions than those who constantly find themselves in the throws of negativity and depression. Unfortunately, maintaining this positive mental state of mind takes practice. Barriers to taking the actions you know that you need to take may crop up. Old beliefs and programs that exist at a deep level may not support you and might even sabotage your best efforts.
For example, if you have attempted to lose weight, but keep gaining back what you just lost — it may be that you have mental programming reinforcing that you are not worthy of looking and feeling your best.
Mind Control Techniques That Work:
Fortunately, there are powerful ways to stay strong in the face of these barriers. One of the most powerful mind control techniques is to simply close your eyes and picture a time in the future when you expect things will be much better. Visualize events in your life going the way you want them to go.
It is even more powerful to use visualization to mentally rehearse things unfolding ideally and at the same time emotionally connect to how good you will feel once they do. As you spend a few minutes , “watching this inner movie” and paying attention to how success feels, positive emotions will flow very naturally. (I have done this exercise in my corporate wellness seminars and have witnessed immediate changes in participants’ emotional states.)
This process is very enjoyable. So, you won’t mind if I tell you that you will need to use this technique every day until the visualized goal begins to alter the outdated beliefs and programs. By staying anchored to this positive vision of your future, a technique that can be learned using the Stanford Method‘s guided meditation, it’s much easier to remain motivated and to realize successful habit control .
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